just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
