my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize