My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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