the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
vagina is talking i cant
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
