You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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