Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
