how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
