Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
