NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize