the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
