Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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