so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
