Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
