she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
