apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
