I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
