i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
