I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
