she woke up with a sticky ear
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He shit in the fireplace
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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