Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
