The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
