i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
