so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
