so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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