The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
