how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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