some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
