Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
