On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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