Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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