I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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