its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
