I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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