it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
