your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I smell stomach acid.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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