if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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