In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize