Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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