my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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