My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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