you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
