Need sex. Gaining weight.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
