U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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