I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
