that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So much Jack, so little girl.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
