Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
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