Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize