were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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