I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
