Quick, to the slutcave!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
