all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
