at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
