well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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