My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
