why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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