Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
