I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize