It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
