Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
worst night to have a conscience
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize