I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
