three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
