i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
