I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
