The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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