come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
even my farts smell like vagina
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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