Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Found the puke drawer
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
