Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So. Much. Porn.
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