The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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