I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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