Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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