the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
