You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
