My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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