i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
