For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My ATM looks so different sober.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
