I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
