I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
