I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
